Too Perfect Tuesdays - Chap 9 - Work & Counterproductivity

This post continues with WORK AND COUNTERPRODUCTIVITY from Chapter Nine.

This series looks at a small snippet of The book on the Perfectionist Personality, aka The Obsessive Compulsive disordered Personality, aka OCPD, each week. Please follow along, leave your comments, engage more on the FaceBook website... whatever your heart calls you to do.

When Being in Control Gets Out of Control by Allan E. Mallinger, M.D. and Jeanette DeWyze was published by Random House in 1992.  If   you believe you are dealing with OCPD or someone who is "Too Perfect," whether that's you or a loved one, please buy a copy of the book and read it for additional insights that will not all be covered in these excerpts.

WORK AND COUNTERPRODUCTIVITY
Workaholism causes problems in more than just the personal realm. "Keeping one's nose to the grindstone can hurt... business," concluded The Wall Street Journal in an article about workaholic entrepreneurs. "The protracted stress of fighting distraction, focusing intensely on dull details and working at protracted tasks fatigues the mind... The result: a rise in errors, troubles handling the public, more accidents, and declining workmanship."

As previously noted, perfectionists often have trouble starting projects, making decisions, and delegating tasks that could be better executed by others - all of which may easily do more damage than the good done during all those extra hours on the job. At the same time, the perfectionist's constant fault-finding is apt to dampen office morale.

<snip>...Fortune magazine described how a management consultant spent three days following one "hard-driving, bleary-eyed investment banker," recording in minute detail what the man did in the course of his interminable workdays. The consultant found that eighty percent of the Wall Streeter's activities turned out to be "busy work": redundant phone conversations, unnecessary meetings, time spent packing and unpacking his two bulging briefcases. All too often, no one looks at how effectively the workaholic is laboring, and yet that is ultimately much more important than the number of hours he spends on the job.

***

via Wikipedia

Churning. Not just for butter any more.

I worked with a young woman for a company once who was let go, and my boss described to me how once, when they were getting a delivery of new office furniture in, she told "Joan," to clear off her entire desk, empty the drawers, etc., so the old stuff could be removed, and the new installed. When she came back twenty minutes later, it appeared Joan had moved a stapler from one place to another, and nothing else.

That's churning - the mindless business of shuffling papers around, of re-reading the same email over and over, or trying to make sense of a spreadsheet with the same methods that aren't working.

At least when you churn butter, there's a delicious product at the end of it all.

Simply being at work, or sitting at a computer, does not necessarily mean you are being productive. (Trust me, I can offer plenty of personal experience on that one!)

I work with people who put in 12-14 hour days certain times of the year, but honestly? A lot of it is going over the same thing fruitlessly, over and over; or chatting on the phone for hours. They could probably get as much productive work done in ten. I've been in these round-robin e-mail loops where everyone is misunderstanding and it goes through six sends when the whole mess can be cleared up in 30 seconds of conference call.

(And as I type all this, I have firm plans to clean my desk at home - this week. Which plans I've had for several months, but still... my intention is NOT just to shove piles from one place to another.)

Is all your extra work really productive?
How much churning do you do?

Your thoughts?

A-Z: Therapy Is Not A Dirty Word

IMO, more people are afraid of a bad therapist than a bad marriage. Generally those who've experienced a disastrous love relationship will be willing to try again with a new partner, but if they've had a bad therapy experience...!

Besides which, there's a huge stigma factor.

When we hear that someone has been "in therapy" for an extended period of time, our initial reaction is not, "Oh, what a brave and courageous person. Kudos to her/him for facing her/his issues head on and getting the help s/he needs." It's more along the lines of, "Wow, that person must be really f---ed up."Am I right?

I am ashamed to admit, I tend to think that way - and I know better! I've had long term counseling myself, and I'd do it again tomorrow.

Sometimes people get stuck in a rut, whether that rut is grief, PTSD, or choosing bad relationships. If our car is stuck in a rut, would we feel ashamed or embarrassed to need a little push getting out of the ditch? (Okay, maybe a little embarrassed, depending on how we got into that ditch.)

But if we'd been in a car accident, and needed physical therapy to recover the use of, say, an arm, wouldn't we commit to it for as long as it took to get the maximum use of our arm back?

Yes, there are personality clashes, and sometimes, despite any number of impressive degrees, we may have hit on a "bad" therapist, but mostly, therapy fails because:

• We aren't seeing the right kind of therapist.
• We aren't getting the right kind of therapy.
• We aren't committed to the very hard emotional homework of being honest with our therapist, and working on the exercises or changes s/he suggests.

Here's the different types of therapists:

• Psychotherapist
• Psychologist
• School Psychologist
• Psychiatrist
• Mental Health Counselor
• Marriage & Family
• Social Worker
• Psychiatric Nurse
• Pastoral Counselor

The amount of education and training required for each varies, from none to a substantial amount. A psychiatrist is actually an M.D. and can write prescriptions for medications (in a few states, so can a psychologist), but generally a psychiatrist will refer any ongoing therapy work to a psychologist.

Because someone is "lower on the food chain," does not necessarily mean he or she will be an ineffective therapist. For some problems and disorders, medication is not indicated.  For others it may be helpful on a short-term basis in conjunction with CBT or other brain retraining exercises; and for some people, long-term medication may be necessary. In yet others inpatient care may be required. A nutritionist may add needed support.

A good therapist will recognize when a client needs more help than s/he can provide, and be eager to steer her/his client to the right kinds of additional help.

Different types of therapy include:

• Psychoanalysis
• Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)
• Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• Antipsychotic and/or antidepressant medications, and/or mood stabilizers

A treatment once promoted, which fell into some disrepute, and now gaining some proponents is ECT (Electroshock Therapy) as a treatment for bipolar disorder and depression. Diet modification, music therapy, group therapy, yoga and mindfulness exercises; all can form an integral part of helping a person become as whole and mentally healthy as possible.

The most important factor in therapy success is being committed to it. If we are not willing to embrace the process and say, "Yes, this area of my life is causing me and my loved ones too much pain. I will do whatever it takes to make it better for everyone I love - including me," then no matter how experienced and skilled the therapist, no matter how effective the treatment, it's not going to work.

Changing lifelong behaviors and thinking patterns is hard, hard work. In an earlier post, I compared it to shifting the course of the river - the river tries to flow along the same channels it always has. This is where medication in partnership with therapy often works well, interrupting the old patterns long enough for new ones to form (they say about 90+ days is the minimum time frame to quit an old habit or form a new one).


I know people who are diagnosed as mentally ill who religiously follow their medication, exercise, diet, and therapy regimes. I know others diagnosed as mentally ill who are willing to try certain therapies but not others. I know some who refuse to see any kind of counselor, under any circumstances, even if it means being fired from a job or losing a spouse or partner, using the excuse of, "I saw a therapist once, and it didn't help." They believe all it takes is willpower and determination to not be disordered.

Guess which group is most successful at managing their condition?

My A-Z theme is Issues related to Mental Health or Mental Illness.

Have you ever had good or bad therapy?

Would you be willing to try it again?

Why or why not?

Related articles

• Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Cognitive Distortions (carlarenee45.wordpress.com)
• Why We Still Need Psychiatrists! (madinamerica.com)
• Learning to Be Present With Yourself (psychologytoday.com)
• PTSD Scientifically Speaking (writeintothelight.org)
• C is for Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) (motherwifestudentworker.wordpress.com)
• Religion and the Psychotherapy Process (serentalasman.wordpress.com)
• How To Tell If Your Shrink Sucks (And Then Fire Them) (xojane.com)
• Employees Able To Return To Work Sooner Following Work-Focused Psychotherapy (medicalnewstoday.com)

Too Perfect Tuesdays - Chap 7 -Abolishing Worry A Practical Method

This post continues with Abolishing Worry - A Practical Method from Chapter Seven.

This series looks at a small snippet of The book on the Perfectionist Personality, aka The Obsessive Compulsive disordered Personality, aka OCPD, each week. Please follow along, leave your comments, engage more on the FaceBook website... whatever your heart calls you to do.

Too Perfect, When Being in Control Gets Out of Control by Allan E. Mallinger, M.D. and Jeanette DeWyze was published by Random House in 1992.  If   you believe you are dealing with OCPD or someone who is "Too Perfect," whether that's you or a loved one, please buy a copy of the book and read it for additional insights that will not all be covered in these excerpts.

Abolishing Worry - A Practical Method

If you rationalize your worrying and ruminating by blaming them on external events - this or that professional problem, financial crisis, or potential social mishap - realize that you're deluding yourself. As soon as one problem is resolved or hurdle passed, you will find something new to worry or ruminate about. No matter how much money you earn, how good your health is, how satisfying your marriage is, or what other good fortune you enjoy, you'll always be unhappy. It is not external events that are causing your chronic unhappiness, the problem is internal and self-created. And this will never change unless you take active steps to change it.

<snip> But this is one area in which I can offer direct, clear-cut advice that - followed conscientiously - is very likely to help.

It is a behavior therapy technique called thought-stopping. Before trying it, you must first be able to acknowledge that your worrying and ruminating are voluntary actions. External events don't "make" you worry; you've shaped yourself into a chronic worrier. Fortunately, with concerted attention and effort, you can moderate this destructive thought pattern.

The first step is to become more aware of your tendency to worry or ruminate each time it occurs. Negative thoughts at first may come so automatically that it will take you several minute even to notice them. But with time you'll "catch" such thoughts closer and closer to their onset. The moment you do notice, say to yourself, "I'm doing it now. I'm worrying [or ruminating]." At the same time, try to examine how these thoughts make you feel - note yours stomach tightening or your jaw beginning to tense up. Recognize that your emotional state is one of pain and discomfort, not relief or satisfaction. And notice how the worry or rumination is distracting your from more pleasant thoughts or something enjoyable in your immediate environment, or how it's sapping your attention and energy.

Once you can catch yourself worrying or ruminating, you're ready for the next step. Find a rubber band that fits comfortably around your wrist, and put it on. (For most people, newspaper rubber bands are ideal.) Wear it all day, every day.

Each time you find yourself worrying or ruminating, instead of paying attention to how painful it feels or what it's costing you, quickly pull the rubber band out an inch or two, let it snap back, and simultaneously say "Stop!" aloud. If you're afraid of being overheard, just say it to yourself, but give yourself a stern command. Inhale deeply, then relax, and let the breath out slowly, telling yourself, "Worrying [or ruminating] won't help." Then refocus all your attention and energy onto whatever is at hand. Some people do their best worrying in the middle of the night, when there is no more pleasant or useful activity at hand. If this is the case, after you say, "Worrying won't help," focus all your attention on relaxing every muscle in your body, while imagining yourself in some peaceful, idyllic setting.

The entire thought-stopping process should take only about fifteen seconds. You may think it's too simple, too pat, or too superficial to have any effect on such a deeply ingrained behavior. It isn't. It has helped many people make significant changes.

Perhaps you are afraid that the rubber band will look silly or draw attention. Remember that the whole purpose of this exercise is to help you put things in perspective so that you can enjoy life more.  Try to approach your self-consciousness, another self-defeating trait, in the same spirit.

Test the exercise for a month. You'll find that it won't jeopardize your job or ruin your relationships; it will improve them. Do the exercise as long as necessary for new habits to form. This usually takes months. However, several patients have told me that after the first month they rarely snap the rubber band anymore because just looking at it stops the worrying immediately.

Whether it takes several months or just one, you'll find the rewards well worth the effort. You'll be happier, more relaxed, and more able to enjoy the moment. You'll also find yourself relating better to others. If you're not mired in negative thoughts, you'll have more unfettered mental energy and attention available for family and friends, and they will notice and respond. They'll experience you as being more present and more connected with them. They will enjoy your company more, feel closer to you, and treat your accordingly.

***

As soon as one problem is resolved or hurdle passed, you will find something new to worry or ruminate about.  Yep.  My ex did that - and I do that, sometimes.

I normally wear a scrunchie around my wrist, too, but don't snap it as often as I probably should.

Most of this is about being mindful - recognizing when we're drifting into needless worry/ruminating territory, so we can literally snap ourselves out of it.  Recognizing how crappy it makes us feel.

I wanted to write a big long post and expand on this at length, but recently, life has been busy, so I got nothin' else, right now.  And this, too, is okay.  Letting myself have what I need - in this case, some extra rest and down time, is good, too.

Have you tried thought-stopping?
Your thoughts?

Too Perfect Tuesdays - Chapt 7 - The Costs of Worry and Rumination

This post continues with The Costs of Worry and Rumination from Chapter Seven.

This series looks at a small snippet of The book on the Perfectionist Personality, aka The Obsessive Compulsive disordered Personality, aka OCPD, each week. Please follow along, leave your comments, engage more on the FaceBook website... whatever your heart calls you to do.

Too Perfect, When Being in Control Gets Out of Control by Allan E. Mallinger, M.D. and Jeanette DeWyze was published by Random House in 1992.  If   you believe you are dealing with OCPD or someone who is "Too Perfect," whether that's you or a loved one, please buy a copy of the book and read it for additional insights that will not all be covered in these excerpts.

The Costs of Worry and Rumination

<snip>failure to forgive and forget is much more apt to provoke resentment than it is to elicit a loving or nurturing response.  And that's only one of the costs exacted by these destructive thought patterns.

Since both worry and rumination are unproductive by definition, they waste time and energy.  All the time spent on either could be better used - either in some other activity or by concentrating more fully on the task at hand.

Worry and rumination also exert physical costs.  They may deprive one of sleep, and some physicians believe that the feelings of tension and anxiety accompanying them can trigger (or worsen) other medical problems ranging from heart trouble to ulcers. They also tend to be mentally exhausting, not only draining one of intellectual energy but also robbing one of time that's much needed for creative rejuvenation.  Although they're not physical acts, worry and rumination can be very strenuous.

Similarly, most rumination carries with it a sense of retroactive control.  By chastising themselves for some pitfall they should have foreseen (even if there's no way they really could have), they are denying the frightening reality that mistakes are inevitable.

Worst of all is the senseless emotional pain obsessives inflict on themselves with these thoughts. Chronic worriers or ruminators fail to enjoy most aspects of daily life because of this habit. They don't fully experience even pleasurable moments - time filled with family and friends, music, laughter - under the weight of their oppressive thoughts.

***

Again, it all comes down to perspective. Obsessive people have lost (or perhaps, never had) perspective. Like a two or three year old who throws a tantrum because some small thing didn't go his way, my ex would be crushed if something didn't work out according to plan.  Unlike a two or three year old, however, he couldn't be distracted with something shiny.

Each disappointment, each betrayal (as he saw it) by me built up and built up in his mind. There was no forgiving and forgetting the minor things; there were no minor things. He was frequently exhausted, he complained of chest pain (heart? anxiety attacks?  who knows?), but in the end, he couldn't even enjoying making music with his best friend.

Has worry and rumination cost you pleasure in the moment?
Do you chew the past to bits?
Your thoughts?