Recently, along with a lot of other folks, I felt caught up in
exultation and "justice served, at last!" at the overwhelmingly "Guilty
verdict" passed on child molester Jerry Sandusky.
Reading some of the message boards, I was struck by one commenter, who didn't "get" why so many people were rejoicing, and that made me take a closer look at myself.
I am not, and never have been, a prepubescent boy. True, I also experienced an incident of molestation when I was 12 (in central Pennsylvania, no less). However, without ever requiring my testimony or the cops even talking to me at all, the perp did did go to jail, where, rumor has it, he ended up dying an agonizing, long-drawn-out death of cancer several decades ago.
Karma wins - which is not always the case.
And while what happened to me was highly unpleasant, it wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to me; it wasn't something that ruined my life or haunted me.
As the saying goes, I "had no dog in this fight."
So why am/was I following the Sandusky case so closely? Why did it stir me up so much?
Was it because I related to the victims? To the struggling single mothers who thought that contact with a coach willing to act as a father figure would be good for them? Do I feel guilty as a former resident of Pennsylvania?
I don't fully know. I may never know.
What I do know, is that it's okay to feel what I feel. When I feel it. Maybe I want to sit down and pick that feeling apart, maybe I just want to notice it. You know, the whole Zen thing, sitting by the side of the stream, watching the stream, the leaves and twigs floating in it. There's a feeling; how interesting.
I don't have to come up with a reason why I feel what I feel - not to myself, not to anybody else. I don't have to limit myself to only feeling certain emotions.
There were years when, as a child, I was expected to suppress what I felt.
There were many years when I didn't allow myself to have certain feelings, at all, because it wasn't safe. I lost my mother to breast cancer when I was ten, but didn't begin serious grief work until I was 30 years old, and *I* was ready and felt safe enough to do so.
There were years living with my OCPD b-f when I was often told, if I expressed certain feelings, that they were wrong, and instructed as to what I "should" feel instead. I have had (former) friends try to do the same thing, tell me I was wrong/silly/unjustified in feeling a particular emotion.
I am SO done with that. I am done with anyone (outside of a trusted mental health professional) telling me that my feelings are over- or underdone; that they are inappropriate or wrong, somehow.
I'm letting myself feel what I feel, when I feel it. Period.
How about you?
Have you ever been told you "shouldn't" feel a particular way? Did you rejoice in the Sandusky verdicts?
IMO, more people are afraid of a bad therapist than a bad marriage. Generally those who've experienced a disastrous love relationship will be willing to try again with a new partner, but if they've had a bad therapy experience...!
Besides which, there's a huge stigma factor.
When we hear that someone has been "in therapy" for an extended period of time, our initial reaction is not, "Oh, what a brave and courageous person. Kudos to her/him for facing her/his issues head on and getting the help s/he needs." It's more along the lines of, "Wow, that person must be really f---ed up."Am I right?
I am ashamed to admit, I tend to think that way - and I know better! I've had long term counseling myself, and I'd do it again tomorrow.
Sometimes people get stuck in a rut, whether that rut is grief, PTSD, or choosing bad relationships. If our car is stuck in a rut, would we feel ashamed or embarrassed to need a little push getting out of the ditch? (Okay, maybe a little embarrassed, depending on how we got into that ditch.)
But if we'd been in a car accident, and needed physical therapy to recover the use of, say, an arm, wouldn't we commit to it for as long as it took to get the maximum use of our arm back?
Yes, there are personality clashes, and sometimes, despite any number of impressive degrees, we may have hit on a "bad" therapist, but mostly, therapy fails because:
We aren't seeing the right kind of therapist.
We aren't getting the right kind of therapy.
We aren't committed to the very hard emotional homework of being honest with our therapist, and working on the exercises or changes s/he suggests.
The amount of education and training required for each varies, from none to a substantial amount. A psychiatrist is actually an M.D. and can write prescriptions for medications (in a few states, so can a psychologist), but generally a psychiatrist will refer any ongoing therapy work to a psychologist.
Because someone is "lower on the food chain," does not necessarily mean he or she will be an ineffective therapist. For some problems and disorders, medication is not indicated. For others it may be helpful on a short-term basis in conjunction with CBT or other brain retraining exercises; and for some people, long-term medication may be necessary. In yet others inpatient care may be required. A nutritionist may add needed support.
A good therapist will recognize when a client needs more help than s/he can provide, and be eager to steer her/his client to the right kinds of additional help.
A treatment once promoted, which fell into some disrepute, and now gaining some proponents is ECT (Electroshock Therapy) as a treatment for bipolar disorder and depression. Diet modification, music therapy, group therapy, yoga and mindfulness exercises; all can form an integral part of helping a person become as whole and mentally healthy as possible.
The most important factor in therapy success is being committed to it. If we are not willing to embrace the process and say, "Yes, this area of my life is causing me and my loved ones too much pain. I will do whatever it takes to make it better for everyone I love - including me," then no matter how experienced and skilled the therapist, no matter how effective the treatment, it's not going to work.
Changing lifelong behaviors and thinking patterns is hard, hard work. In an earlier post, I compared it to shifting the course of the river - the river tries to flow along the same channels it always has. This is where medication in partnership with therapy often works well, interrupting the old patterns long enough for new ones to form (they say about 90+ days is the minimum time frame to quit an old habit or form a new one).
I know people who are diagnosed as mentally ill who religiously follow their medication, exercise, diet, and therapy regimes. I know others diagnosed as mentally ill who are willing to try certain therapies but not others. I know some who refuse to see any kind of counselor, under any circumstances, even if it means being fired from a job or losing a spouse or partner, using the excuse of, "I saw a therapist once, and it didn't help." They believe all it takes is willpower and determination to not be disordered.
Guess which group is most successful at managing their condition?
My A-Z theme is Issues related to Mental Health or Mental Illness.
This post continues with When the Guards Come Down and Becoming Less Guarded from Chapter Six.
This series looks at a small snippet of The book on the Perfectionist Personality, aka The Obsessive Compulsive disordered Personality, aka OCPD, each week. Please follow along, leave your comments, engage more on the FaceBook website... whatever your heart calls you to do.
Too Perfect, When Being in Control Gets Out of Control by Allan E. Mallinger, M.D. and Jeanette DeWyze was published by Random House in 1992. If you believe you are dealing with OCPD or someone who is "Too Perfect," whether that's you or a loved one, please buy a copy of the book and read it for additional insights that will not all be covered in these excerpts.
When the Guards Come Down
Though most obsessives have trouble trusting, depending upon, and revealing themselves to other people, no one ever completely avoids any of those things. No matter how capable we are, modern life forces us to depend upon one another for such necessities as food, education, medical care, and much more. Some dependencies are so inescapable and routine (e.g., having to get water from the city water supply or bottled water vendors) that most people, obsessives included, don't think much about them. However, when circumstances arise that persuade one to acknowledge dependency in a new area - to consult a doctor, for example, or seek help from an accountant - anxieties may arise. Discomfort also results when some normally suppressed feeling, such as anger, suddenly surfaces. <snip>
Guarded obsessives commonly view any betrayal of their trust as conclusive "proof" that their original guardedness was justified. "If I have a friend, and he tells even a small white lie or is even slightly dishonest, I say 'Aha! He lied! That proves I can't trust him.' I subject him to unreasonable standards. He has to be one-hundred-percent trustworthy of I don't feel I can trust him at all."
Becoming Less Guarded
Becoming less guarded is not something that can be "worked on" all alone, in the privacy of one's study. For all the pain it can cause, a pattern of interpersonal guardedness is extremely difficult to change, and such change must take place within living, breathing relationships.
Remind yourself that no one and nothing can be one-hundred-percent dependable. Other people - less obsessive people - understand this and still manage to trust and depend upon one another. Do you tell yourself that's because they just aren't as smart as you, that they simply don't see the risks or appreciate the dangers? Do you think they'll all be sorry someday? It's not that these people don't don't see the risks of opening themselves to others. Instead they know that many of the best things in life - such as a send of connection and closeness with other people - are worth the risks.
Don't be tripped up by your tendency to think in extremes. No one is suggesting you should share intimate confidences with every stranger that you meet. A reasonable amount of discretion will provide you with some protection from hurt, rejection, and exploitation. But when it comes to guardedness, there is a middle ground, and people who find it are less lonely and isolated than those whose protective shells are too thick and hard.
Try to be conscious of the fact that your guarded behavior is likely to cause the very rejection, isolation, and unloved feeling that you fear. Realize that other people are very apt to misinterpret your guardedness, taking it as a hurtful indication that something in them is causing you to hold yourself at a distance.
It takes determination and patience to become less guarded. Prepare yourself to see changes occur slowly. In individual and group therapy, guarded patients will sometimes begin this process unwittingly by revealing emotions in a "weak" moment. At such times they often feel humiliated and frightened. Sometimes they weep. But then they usually realize that nobody has rejected them. The world goes on. In fact, the others, sensing how difficult it is for them to open up, often respond with special empathy and warmth. Over time, the guarded person gradually is able to reveal more and more of the real self beneath the facade - the spontaneously experienced feelings and thoughts. And often, for the first time, he or she begins to experience what it's like to feel truly understood and still cared for - something that never before seemed possible. <snip>
***
Some of us chatted about this online one night, about how unless you live in a cave or shack, Unabomber style, you're dependent on all kinds of people. I think I'm safe in saying no one is reading these words on a computer they built by hand of components they personally mined from the earth, with electricity likewise generated by a system they devised themselves. (And even if they did, who's providing the Internet connection, hmmm?)
On the rare occasions my ex revealed a fear, a hurt, or weakness, I felt so much closer to him, while his guardedness made him feel distant. His anger and disappointment at my failure to be perfect, which he used to justify why he couldn't trust me, I found crazy unrealistic. For example, if he felt a need to rant until one o'clock in the morning, on a night when I had work the next day, and I told him him I had had enough and was going to bed, he felt I had failed him, didn't care enough about the relationship. See! Betrayal! Untrustworthiness!
If you are looking for reasons not to trust someone, and you look long enough and hard enough with a virtual magnifying glass, you will find imperfections. With OCPD, there's a very appropriate verse from the Bible about removing the beam/log from one's own eye, before trying to locate the speck/mote in another's.
I've blogged about this before, but because my ex wouldn't open up, because he was afraid I would hurt him, and he'd end up alone, he pushed me away. And... ended up alone.
If he had been willing to put in the very long, hard, scary work of letting down his guard, would thing have been different? Maybe not, if he didn't address all the other OCPDnesses that killed our relationship. Or maybe, if he'd let his guard down, he would have been able to see them.
Except that there were the inevitable bobbles, for which I had to contact.... Customer Service. <you can cue the Jaws theme music here.>
When I moved away from OCPD ex b-f in June, I switched from DSL internet connection to cable, and due to who knows why, my ISP had to assign me a new username and passcode for my new connection. I should have written it down, but I had a lot on my mind then, and anyway, I'd picked an easy name and passcode, because I knew I would remember it...
You knew I wouldn't, right?
So I decided that, instead of calling in to my ISP helpline, and trying to verbally communicate with "Muffy" and "Jeff" and "Ashleigh," whose thick Indian accents have almost driven me to eating my own head in the past, I would try to resolve it via chat on my work 'puter during my morning break. I got "Rocky" and "Juliet," instead.
I'm not unsympathetic to Rocky and Juliet. (Or even Muffy and Jeff.) They work long hours, don't earn a lot of money, and are working in an unfamiliar language. Plus, many of the people they're trying to help are idiots. (I might even count myself as one of those idiots.) I'm sure I would do much worse as a Customer Service Rep if I was trying to communicate in their language. I don't want to be nasty to Rocky & Juliet.
So I'm typing away, but Rocky is intent on going through the full script. He's not listening to what I'm saying (or in this case, typing.)
ME: Hi, I have a new home computer, I need to find out my online log-in name for my cable connection, so that I can log in.
ROCKY: Congratulations on your new computer. We can certainly help you with this. For help with your cable connection, you will have to contact your local cable company.
ME: There's nothing wrong with my cable, it was working fine with my old computer. I just need the username, which I forgot, so that I can get online with the new computer.
ROCKY: Are you chatting from your new computer?
ME <taking a deep breath>: NO, I can't get online from my new computer. I need the username which logs me onto the cable connection.
ROCKY: Let me direct you to the site which gives you the steps to get online.
ME: Thank you, see that first step? Login with your username. You guys set me up with a new username in June, but I don't remember what it is. I just need the username for the account, and possibly a password reset.
ROCKY: Are you online from your new computer now?
ME: No, I CAN'T GET ONLINE FROM MY NEW COMPUTER. Look, just give me the CS to call, I'll call later from home. (Meanwhile, I have scrolled through My Account and finally located the mystery username - it's my usual username, plus the number 1. Genius!)
I get off chat with Rocky, try fruitlessly to log in or reset the passcodes myself to that username e-mail account, and eventually "Juliet" does a passcode reset for me. When I get home later that evening, voila! All better.
But this reminded me soooo much of a discussion on one of my "boards" about those with OCPD and their scripts. Sometimes it feels like we are trying to have a discussion, and the other person isn't so much listening and responding to us, but stuck in a groove. Like they're onstage, and are trying to feed us a cue. And they're going to keep tossing it to us, regardless of what we say back to them.
Which leads to fights and bad feelings all around.
Some OCPDrs themselves have described this seeking for the "right" answer, the right response. They may not know exactly what they wanted to hear back, but they knew they weren't getting it, so they felt obligated to press on, until they heard - whatever it was - that they needed to hear. This was unlikely, depending on how long the interaction had gone on, to be a true reflection of their partner's feeling or thoughts, but it was the right answer.
Here's what one frustrated partner joked:
I have told my DW rather than having a pointless discussion she should prepare a script in advance. She'd give me a copy. She'd read her lines. I'd read my lines. I'd know when I'm allowed to speak and when I'm not. She'd hear exactly what she wants to hear. We could even use the same scripts over and over. I'd know when it was going to end. We could both be happy.
Has this ever happened to you?
Frequently, I would begin speaking. DW would anticipate that I was about to say X. She would cut me off and start responding to X. I would tell her I was not going to say X; I was going to say Y. She would then insist that I was lying. We would then get into a ridiculous argument about what I would have said had she not interrupted.
I have been there, done that. And <hanging my head in shame> have done my share of interrupting others as well, though I've never gotten into arguments about what somebody else would have said.
Maybe we need to take a bit of advice from Patsy.
So how does one deal with someone who won't "Stop, look and listen"?
One tactic is to walk away and start ignoring the person. They'll ask why. Answer: "It seemed you were not interested in a conversation, but a monologue. Since my participation is not required, I thought I'd keep myself occupied while you finished up." (It's important if you take this approach, to keep your tone neutral and pleasant - no heavy sarcasm in your tone, please.)
Another is to yell at them to Quit Interrupting!
Another is to simply not answer at all, unless asked why. Then give the same answer (my participation seemed unnecessary.)
I thought about trying a sock puppet, myself. Talk to the monkey!
Theoretically, you could talk to the Rambler during a moment of lucidity, like I did, and say, "You know, sometimes one of us might be talking, maybe when we've had a bit too much to drink, or are really excited about something, and we kind of talk right over the other person, and don't listen very well. How about we agree on a signal so the other person realizes they're doing it? A code word, holding up a hand or something...?"
I thought, by making it neutral, by saying this is something we both do, something we both should be allowed to halt, that he would agree. And he did.
Agree, that is.
In practice... it didn't work so well. Often his mouth was like the Aerosmith song, "Train keep a-rollin', all night long." But not in a good way.
I don't think there is any one approach that will work with everyone, all the time, because we are all individuals, and so are the people who, uhmmm, have their scripts.
For myself, I'm going to try to work on the bad habit of interrupting others in my own conversations. To be aware that if what I have to say is that important, the opportunity to say it will arise again, and if it doesn't... maybe what I had to say wasn't that important, after all.
To realize that every moment does not have to be filled with noise, to babble words just for the sake of filling the empty pauses. Silences are meaningful, and often, beautiful and essential parts of listening.
To breathe more. To smile more. To hold up a hand or walk away if others interrupt me.
What are you going to do to improve the quality of your conversations?
We've all been watching Charlie Sheen going through what seems to be a full-on bi-polar manic episode in the news - whether we want to or not. (Full disclosure: I'm not his shrink, so I have no right to officially diagnose him, and am not claiming to - just taking an educated guess.)
from the Santa Monica NAMI walk in Oct 2010 http://www.nami.org/ offers much help & support to
those with mental illness and their loved ones.
I do have a beloved niece who's bi-polar, and many of the behaviors he's exhibiting: the expressions of feeling great, the hyper-activity, the weird nonsensical rhyming (Vatican assassins, anyone?) the long rambling sentences that almost sound logical... they're all too painfully familiar. My family has been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Even a layperson can conclude that, at least right now, this bright, talented man is many sandwiches short of a picnic (or in Charlie's case, several hookers short of a brothel. Then again, maybe in his case...)
What many people don't realize is how limited the options a family has when somebody they love "goes Charlie Sheen." You can't "have somebody locked up" involuntarily unless they are an imminent physical danger to themselves or another person - and then, only temporarily.
"Somebody should stop him" is something I've heard. How? Football tackle? Tranquilizer darts? I would wager that every member of his family, his friends, lawyers and agents have, at one time or another, tried to "talk him down" but somebody who is manic isn't listening to anything but that voice in their head.
At the outset, let us state the obvious. Your client has been engaged in dangerously self-destructive conduct and appears to be very ill. For months before the suspension of production, Mr. Sheen's erratic behavior escalated while his condition deteriorated. His declining condition undermined the production in numerous and significant ways. Now, the entire world knows Mr. Sheen's condition from his alarming outbursts over just the last few weeks. Warner Bros., CBS, and Chuck Lorre have done everything within their powers to get Mr. Sheen the help he so badly and obviously needs - entreating his family and representatives; visiting him at home; offering to rearrange production schedules to accommodate his treatment; and even making an airplane available to take him to a rehabilitation clinic before he reneged on his commitment to enter such a facility.
My beautiful, courageous bi-polar niece is struggling on the best she can, without insurance coverage (she's already consumed her lifetime cap), and certainly without an airplane standing by to take her to a top-notch treatment facility. She'd have boarded one in a minute, she is battling this thing so desperately hard.
But even if there is all that available, if money is not an object, even if everyone in the family is saying, "Dude, you need help," there is only so much anyone outside the mentally ill person can do. Sometimes they simply refuse to get help - and you can't make them. You can beg, plead, reason with them, make ultimatums, bargains - but in the end, a person who has distorted thinking may or may not accept that there is anything wrong with him or her. Sadly, my OCPD ex-b-f did not.
Usually, the illness is at least partially concealed in public, except in the most egregious of circumstances. People outside the family don't normally see how, well, crazy, it can get in the home. I'm not just talking about Bi-Polar Disorder, but Narcissism, Borderline, and yes, Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.
Mind you, it's not all tiger blood, machetes and Crazy Rules. Sometimes the symptoms are just - a little bit bad. Quirky. Kind of like a roller coaster; not every hill is the hugundous drop. Sometimes there are long periods of time when life feels... relatively normal, and everyone hopes whatever was happening in the brain of the unstable person has finally sorted itself out.
Then there's another big drop, and you realize, buckle your seatbelts and pull down the safety bar, here we go again.
Self-medicating, whether it's with cocaine, alcohol, Ecstacy, or other drugs, doesn't help - but it's important to understand, the drugs aren't usually causing the mental illness. Sometimes they do, indeed, help the person feel and act more normally. Other times, they exacerbate the problem and the erratic behavior.
Mental illness may be partially caused by chemical or hormonal imbalances in the brain, and prescribed medications often help. But adjusting the dosages, so that the person feels functional and isn't a virtual zombie or sleeping twenty hours a day, and there aren't horrific side effects, is a big challenge to medical professionals. Certain drugs work beautifully for some people, and have zero effect on others, or over time, the beneficial effects wear off. Needless to say, it's no fun to the mentally ill person who feels like a guinea pig, either.
If you don't have mental illness in your family (that you know of,) don't get too smug about your good genes, because often it occurs later in life. What you can do to help, now:
Be kind to everyone you can, especially if you know a friend or loved one is dealing with mental illness in the family.
Ask said friend or loved one what you can do to help. Maybe you can't "make someone well," but maybe you could help with transportation issues for their school-age kids, or help them with homework, or gather and organize papers for their tax return...
I won't ask you not to laugh at the Charlie Sheens out there - when somebody is out in public proclaiming, "I'm an F-18, baby," you gotta laugh. I laughed. But when you're done laughing, be aware of how awful it is for the family and friends who are dealing with this behind closed doors. Trust me, it's not all charm and hilarity.
Support NAMI and other programs, laws, and state and federal budgets that offer funding, education and support for the mentally ill. In the 1980's the USA closed many facilities to treat the mentally ill - budget reasons, you know. So, guess where many end up - in jail, at costs far exceeding those of the original facilities. We've been penny-wise and pound-foolish.
Be aware of the stigma about mental illness, and work to speak more respectfully and mindfully about it. People are well-aware that society thinks less of those with mental illness, and so, they hesitate to get treatment when symptoms are only beginning (and could most effectively be treated.)
I'm hoping that the one bright side to Charlie Sheen's public meltdown and weird pronouncements in so many recorded venues is, when he comes down, he will realize he really was "out there" and commit himself to a real, long-term treatment facility.
This series will look at a small snippet of The book on the Perfectionist Personality, aka The Obsessive Compulsive disordered Personality, aka OCPD, each week. Please follow along, leave your comments, engage more on the FaceBook website... whatever your heart calls you to do.
Too Perfect, When Being in Control Gets Out of Control by Allan E. Mallinger, M.D. and Jeanette DeWyze was published by Random House in 1992.
Chapter One The Obsessive Personality (continued)
If there is a single quality that characterizes obsessive people it is a powerful, unconscious need to feel in control - of themselves, of others, and of life's risks. One of the primary ways in which this needs manifests itself is perfectionism. A whole family of personality traits is rooted in these two needs - to be in control and to be "perfect." These include:
a fear of making errors
a fear of making a wrong decision or choice
a strong devotion to work
a need for order or firmly established routine
frugality
a need to know and follow the rules
emotional guardedness
a tendency to be stubborn or oppositional
a heightened sensitivity to being pressured or controlled by others
an inclination to worry, ruminate, or doubt
a need to be above criticism - moral, professional, or personal
cautiousness
a chronic inner pressure to use every minute productively
By my definition, someone is obsessive if his or her personality is predominantly colored by traits from this family - in any combination. Many of these traits, when they aren't exaggerated or rigid, are valuable qualities. It's hard to imagine someone succeeding in our society today without some degree of self-discipline, for example, or some desire to work hard and avoid errors. But some people are "too perfect." The obsessive traits in their personality are so dominant and inflexible that these virtues actually cause a host of problems.
<snip> I see how unaware most obsessives are that they're harming themselves; they recoil from any hint that their heavy burdens could be self-imposed. Most have grown up believing that you can never be too careful, hardworking, thorough, prepared or organized. In fact, they're often proudest of the very traits that cause them the most harm.
The book goes on to tell stories about people coming to see the doctor for physical symptoms, or because a partner insisted they get help, not because the Perfectionists recognized any problem with their lifestyle or attitudes. It tells about Laura, who took on a crushing workload, refused to delegate tasks, and felt she had to be all things to all people. About Raymond, a workaholic surgeon who wouldn't open up about his own feelings, bullied his wife and passed judgment on everything from her cooking to her political opinions, and then was heartbroken when she embarked on an affair because she felt lonely and unloved.
***
I can relate to Raymond's wife. When my ex b-f would cry, I would reach out my arms to hold him, and he would either barely tolerate it, or shrug me off. When I would have a bad day or bad dream, he would never spontaneously hold me or ask me to talk it out. Sometimes when I specifically asked for it, he would hold me or let me talk about some feelings; other times even when I asked he'd turn me down, or give me a short, wooden hug. It's very hard not to take that kind of emotional rejection personally.
Everyone I've met on chat boards can tell a story about a couch/car/bed that took years to purchase, because the Perfectionist had to get the right one. No matter how old, broken, uncomfortable or the old one was. (2+ years for our couch.) About frugality beyond making sense, about traumatic scenes because a routine may have been interrupted. The horror!
And the rules, the rules, the rules! Almost everyone has a story of the Crazy Rules.
Demand-Resistance and demand sensitivity - there will be more on that to follow, but even a perceived demand may meet with an automatic no. (For example, many partners resent doing something for Valentines' Day, because they feel it's expected of them by society, whether or not their partner has asked for special treatment, and then exhibit resentment to their partners for the implied "demand.") There's a lot of withholding of feelings that goes on, of not feeling trusted or supported.
Checking for fleas again: I'm frugal, for the most part (I do use every fragment of paper on my steno pads!) but will not, as many Perfectionists do, eat dicey leftovers to save a few dollars. The potential cost of getting sick and missing work, of having to go to the doctor or emergency room, to my way of thinking, outweighs the pain of throwing away fifty cents worth of food that might still be good.
I do tend to reflexively take the devil's advocate position, which is certainly an oppositional trait. Hmmm. I believe in following rules when they make sense, but don't believe any rules are always right. One should obey the speed limit, for example, but what if you've got somebody in your car in dire straits and you're rushing her to the hospital? I do feel that pressure to be productive all the time, but I also make myself take down time, and I'm learning not to feel quite so guilty about it.
What your flea count? Do you have a furniture purchase from hell story?
