Using writing, and meditation, and ice cream, and reading, and dreams,

and a whole lot of other tools to rediscover who I am,

after six years living with a man with OCPD.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Too Perfect Tuesdays - Chap 9 - Becoming Less Driven

Clouds. Just because.
This post continues with Becoming Less Driven from Chapter Nine.

This series looks at a small snippet of The book on the Perfectionist Personality, aka The Obsessive Compulsive disordered Personality, aka OCPD, each week. Please follow along, leave your comments, engage more on the FaceBook website... whatever your heart calls you to do.

When Being in Control Gets Out of Control by Allan E. Mallinger, M.D. and Jeanette DeWyze was published by Random House in 1992.  If   you believe you are dealing with OCPD or someone who is "Too Perfect," whether that's you or a loved one, please buy a copy of the book and read it for additional insights that will not all be covered in these excerpts.

Becoming Less Driven
<snip> As a starting point, ask yourself:
  • Are those long job house really an unavoidable requirement of the job?
  • When was the last time you took a walk, going no where special? Or sat and listened to music? Or window shopped?
  • Do your co-workers (or people in comparable positions elsewhere) put in as much time as your do, and if not, how do they avoid it?
  • Could your own perfectionism be driving you, and is it really worth it?
  • Are you avoiding being home, for any reason?
  • If you've taken on extra part-time work, is it because you really need the extra money? Or is a craving for absolutely guaranteed financial security shaping your behavior?
  • If you're self-employed, must you really accept every referral or project, or are you distorting things? For instance, how true is it that if you don't accept that referral, you'll never get another one from that person or firm? Even if that did happen, would it really endanger your security?
  • As for being preoccupied with work during your "free" time, how necessary or useful is this, really? How often to you actually get a creative idea or solve a work problem when you're with your family or engaged in leisure-time activities? Isn't it more likely that "thinkaholism" is contaminating your leisure?
When I was living with my ex, I avoided home, because I was in no hurry to go home and be yelled at or nit-picked.  I suspect that, consciously or subconsciously, many workaholics choose to work because it is easier and more familiar and allows them to avoid... something they really don't want to do. Or something that will be a surprise.

In order to become less driven, we first must become totally honest with ourselves. To know when we are BSing ourselves with the lists of Things We Must Do, work that Must Be Done, and when, once in a while, a little overtime might be in order.

We need to make time for unstructured play - for just hanging out with friends and family, for trying a new craft or visiting a new museum or some other loosey-goosey activity where we don't know what's going to happen next. It's not simply important for children to enjoy free play, but for adults, too.

Do too many of the above questions strike a chord with you?
Do you cling to busyness like a security blanket?
Your thoughts?
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