From Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
Moreover, I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that's not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time - everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.She wrote this as an explanation as to why she chose to be celibate in Italy, of all places. Where rampant sensuality vibrates off every fountain and marble edifice - and you can't turn around in Italy without bumping your nose (or other body part) on an edifice of some sort.
|from Flickr Creative Commons|
Because I know for a fact, I'm too f#&ked up to even think about another relationship right now. I'm working on my boundaries, and in some places they're pretty good, and in others they're better than they used to be, and in others... well, if they were a stone wall, a dachshund with a limp could hop over without scraping his belly.
Every self-help book and site and guru says: You need to learn to love yourself.
I get it. In theory. In practice... well... I'm taking baby steps.
I'm learning about intuitive eating, and not punishing myself with diets anymore.
I'm working on understanding my own "permeable membrane" issues when it comes to men, and "normal" boundary issues when it comes to family, friends, and co-workers. Realizing I don't have to figuratively throw myself on the train tracks every time, in order for people to like me.
I can set limits for what I am and am not willing to do for someone, and that doesn't make me a bad person.
|Photo from Wikimedia Commons|
- Research how to deal with it.
- Practice the solution over and over until it becomes habit.
Or at least, a person on her way to becoming a whole, integrated person. Not thinking I will ever reach the finish line and be done, in this lifetime.
What goals are on your combo plate?
And how are your boundaries today, hmmm?
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